Oi you leg it

Most of the time I seem to be writing about things that happen in the lower reaches of the body.  But truly I do have other thoughts. Anyway I had a couple of weeks off as feeling a bit under the weather. Finally got back on the bike yesterday and managed 8 miles in the best time I have done so far. So much for a decent rest. I was unable to cycle today mainly as a result of a skinful last night oops.

My blood test results came back and were down to 7.9 the lowest in three years. Dont you just love the optimism of the medical community though. Both Doctor and nurse said, Oh we should look at your treatment as results havent changed. Needless to say I showered them with my massive optimism and will continue the exercise regime. I WILL NOT GO ON INSULIN.

But back to the ride yesterday. There I was bombing along musing about stuff just like that well known Irish poet Phil O'Sofical when about three miles in disaster struck. Leggings, I started thinking about leggings. I am not a fan of leggings because people who dont suit them started wearing them.

Now I know how I got there. Whilst pulling on my luxury tight long johns prior to the ride I thought , they remind me of something. In passing I thought oh yes leggings (footless,calf stranglers etc) and then moved on. BUT the previous night on a trip to River Cottage in Plymouth we had gone to a blingy wine bar in Plymouth for an after lunch sherbet. when in walked a girl wearing an extremely tight pair of animal print leggings.

Now to say she had an arse normally only seen in villages on the banks of the Zambezi or in the pages of national Geographic would be an understatement. I could have parked my bike in at least three separate places on this chavy goddesses anatomy.  And thats the disaster. I am most definitely not a leggings man and I dont think they do the fairer sex any favours. Whats wrong with dressing to please the opposite sex or the same sex depending on persuasion. Dont tell me that girls dont drool over a George Clooney in dinner suit with tie undone and a tuft of steel grey hair popping out above the top button.  I decided then and there that I would declare myself as a skirt and dress man so there it is I am outed.

And now I am going to leg it and wrap up the wifelets £4.95 Arsenal watch that I got her for Christmas. Lucky girl although I will probably wrap it up in expensive packaging just so I can film the reaction when she opens it.

ps I dont mean it really. love the girl, love the leggings.....................................

Saucy Cycling Thoughts

I know you really all wanted to hear what a God thinks of as he pedals his lonely way through the cow poo strewn lanes. How do I know, well when I asked for a vote both my followers voted yes I should share my thoughts. I hope you have all seen the latest research which says men only think about sex every 53 minutes not every six minutes as previously thought. I knew that though as my 8.2 miles take about 54 minutes so I only ever think about sex once and then twice in every 53 bike rides! SO I hope you wont be disappointed with what I do think about.

Thought One.

Men and Women should only ever be allowed to have sex in January.

Its totally logical if you think about it. For a start it gives them (well the men anyway) something to look forward to after Xmas during those long days waiting for January pay day. But most importantly it means children will only be born in October/November thus ensuring that the spread of ages in the classroom does not disadvantage the offspring of parents who only ever have sex in October thus making them the youngest in the class by up to 10 months. Yes I really did spend one bike ride thinking about that.

Thought Two.

Why one earth do the Dartmouth Town Council think that a wandering steel band with tambourines and whistles is ever going to kick start the Christmas spirit during Candlelit dartmouth. Sounds more like a London Cyclists protest. Which reminds me, why do all cyclists behave like Nazis in London? Cant they see the colour red, dont they understand right of way? What happened to carols and mulled wine and Nat King Cole, "Fall on your knees, hear the angel voices, Oh night, Oh night divine"

Thought Three

I have been so inspired by The Choir, Military Wives that it got me thinking about whether I could combine the two. I am therefore starting a cycling choir. It will leave the farm at 945 on Xmas Morning after mulled wine and go to Blackpool Sands. Turn up and get the other half to pick you up there. We will carol along the main road then the lanes. What an idea, got to be a tv show in it.

So there it is just a few of the wierd, random thoughts I have while cycling.



The rest of the time I just think about sex