Hallelujah, Hallelujah. I have a follower.

Will, the fiver is on the way you handsome, clever, entertaining, quick witted, future cycling God without wind you. Love you. Oliver, the same could apply to you mate!!!

Oh my sainted BUTT!!

I always thought cyclists are like IT people, nerdy, miserable and incapable of smiling.

AND now I know why. After yesterday I was fired up and the amazing Oliver surprisingly agreed to cycle with me to Kingsbridge and then on to Torcross in what turned out to be a 15 mile trip. But today I realised why these long distance guys always look so pained.  Not only that but they have a secret world of creams and treatments and who can now blame them for taking any chemical help. Here's the beautiful truth (as Alan Carr the stop smoking guy said constantly), they dont smile and  they constantly look pained BECAUSE cycling gives you wind!!! And not just ladylike, gentle, quiet non noxious stuff but rip roaring, explosive, underwear tearing, ring burning, foul, uncomfortable, stomach churning, thunderous, hurricane level gales.

So they are not a sad bunch, they just fart a lot and are constantly embarrassed by it so be more forgiving in future. It doesnt help with the speed either sadly. Oh well. I think my journey to be "one of them" has moved on apace today as I truly understand their pain, I am getting to be "one of them" and I had appaling wind on the A 379 (probably best to avoid for a week or so).

If I wasnt a cyclist I would be on Strictly Come Dancing by choice. As an extremely rude elderly BA air stew said yesterday, what happened to my TV career? Well the answer was IT STALLED OK. But Strictly could revive it and with my new slinky figure I am sure I could beat Edwina Currie ( cant really believe even she fancied John Major).

Another great day and on a serious note the Doc said my blood pressure is down so the Beat Insulin challenge is going well so far. Its addictive to be honest and I just hope I can keep it up when its pissing down in November. Hope the wind has gone by then though!!

Nice  Tesco Chablis tonight Chateau de Ligny, tenner or so

Longest Trip so far

Picture the scene, I get to the top of a hill and suddenly here I am whooping, shouting and happy. Must be one of those seminal moments. The word is seminal isnt it or am I thinking of the W+++++ who tried to run me down on death alley otherwise known as 5 mile lane the "quiet" lane between here and Slapton. Or the 60+ plus chap who passed me on a racing bike just outside Moreleigh doing at least three times the speed I was , and I had just started!!!

Anyway I went from Home to the Start Bay Inn at Slapton where I foolishly resisted the urge to rehydrate with copious quantities of Otter and instead had sparkling mineral and Lime.

Then two pints and now a bottle of wine at home!!

Got a new rear mount bike carrier today so my horizons will broaden as I fearlessly seek more flat and downhill routes.

Seriously I am loving it!! Come with me you guys.

Getting Territorial

I went out this morning after two days "off" ie three pints and some wine on Friday night and taking daughter off to Uni yesterday. Missing her already even though she drives me potty.

Saw my breath for the first time today!! Got to get into my long LiDL spandex to match yellow true professional jacket

So panting up a hill this morning I passed a fellow cyclist. He looked the dogs, proper road bike, all the kit and knees that went exactly parallel to the ground as he cycled. You know the type, just back from winning the Tour De France.  I felt part of a community, excited, fit and  AN ATHLETE.

So I went to acknowledge him. Have you seen what motor cyclists do as they pass? They lift fingers in salute without letting go of handle bars. So thats what I did to my companion on the lonely road, my fellow ATHLETE, my compadre, my inspiration (and I his no doubt), my raison  d'etre.

The bastard totally ignored me and whooshed on by ( Did I say I passed him? Ok he was coming the other way)

So I gave him some boy racer hand gestures once his back was turned, felt much better and resolved to throw some oil in his path if I ever saw him on MY route again

8.2 miles today, 54 minutes, average speed about 9, not too bad

A close friend told me there were nine spelling mistakes in my first post. There will be a prize for anyone who can find more.

Please follow me so I can start looking to make it into a book. I mean it has got to be more interesting than Gordon Brown's Opus . When you think of the advance he got I have to be worth a bit of that.

Today I decided to chart my progress in the chase to live longer

So I have been cycloing now seriouslyt for about 3 months. i am up to between 6 and ten miles a day about 5 times a week. I have put on weight!!!

Today I got home from two days away working and several hundred miles. I decide a bike ride would be good.

Heres the story of the few hours that followed.

Went to bedroom to pull on spandex shorts, super expensive shirt that lets sweat out and stylish Lidl overshirt. Looked in mirror, gut hove into view first.

Got downstairs, where eldest son, darling daughter and wifelet waiting looking worried.
One, i forget which said, the mobile phone bill covering time we were away in US is in. How much says I. Three hours later one, I forget which owned up to 649 quid.

I took a deep breath and the heart attack just passed me by. I got on bike with Lidl glasses which make my bulgy eyes look like racing dogs bollocks and set off on my normal 4 mile circuit.

Just before turn round point the most horrible smell assaulted me. The local cheapskate farmer has clearly spread human excrement on his fields. gagged several times but valiantly carried on.

Told boy racer in red car to slow down, he leaned out of window and told me to fuck off. As he was going fast and obviously too much of a coward to stop I used hand gestures to expalin he was breaking the speed limit. He repeated my hand gestures so I assumed he understood and carried on cycling, happy I had made my point

Did the circuit twice by which time had realised it is only money (ok I threw up a few times). Got home, made family unpack my car and carry suitcase and stuff upstairs and told them I owned them for next few days. To be fair they did cough up cash for a share of the bill ( from the allowance I award them admittedly but better than nothing!!) They all tried being nice even telling me how athletic i looked in my Lidl top but I knew it was utter bullshit.

Got on old school website and took issue with a few people. Decided that a government epetition about Jerusalem instead of the awfully boring God  save the  queen was a good idea. Then decided a blog was a good idea so here we are.

I shall bore you lots more later